It's the most wonderful time of the year!
After a hiatus resulting from Hurricane Sandy, Brooklyn GOP Radio's Buffoon of the Year is back and better than ever. 2013 has given us a real rogue's gallery from which to choose. I'm not gonna lie to you, it will be tough to determine who is the cream of this crap.... I mean, crop.
For those who don't know or remember: Every week, you'll get to vote for your buffoon of choice from different match-ups set up in a tournament-style bracket. At the end of each week, buffoons shall rise and fall until we have THE Buffoon of 2013. Russell, myself and a panel of experts in political buffoonery met to narrow down and seed the field. Here are the seedings!
No. 1 Republicans For Change vs. No. 8 Harry Reid: First up is a battle between local and national buffoons.
Republicans For Change (-ing Back To The Way Things Were) is a local Brooklyn organization that "shredded" Reagan's 11th Commandment - failing in an epic way to destroy the Brooklyn Republican Party. Led by Senator Marty Golden (he's the one averting his eyes from reality in the photo), this conglomeration of backstabbers, party hacks and assorted losers ran candidates for party positions that failed to even make a primary ballot, cajoled, coerced and other threatened the employment of Republicans in an attempt to muscle their way to leadership and ultimately ran a pint-size megaphone-voiced wanna-be political puppet named Timothy Cochrane - the other guy in the photo oozing defeat and shame (whose claim to political fame is that he split the conservative vote and allowed Mike McMahon to become a Congressman) against Chairman Craig Eaton and... ahem, came up short. Then, this charming crew of blackguards decided that a year's worth of humilation wasn't enough and sued to try to get their way.
On the other side, Sen. Harry Reid. Forget that the Senate under Reid's lack of leadership failed to pass a budget in 2009, 2010, 2011, and 2012. Forget that he also blocked votes on numerous jobs bills passed by the House under Republican leadership. .Even forget that Harry Reid went nuclear" by changing long-standing Senate rules on the fillibuster. The real reason for his nomination may be all of the above, but Reid is more than a horrible leader - he is the quintessential symbol of Democratic leadership - a no-solution do-nothing who talks and talks and does nothing. If nothing else typifies Harry Reid, it's this - check out Urban Dictionary: "Harry Reid" is now slang for "a sexual position where you climb on top and then do absolutely nothing."
I spent so long trying to talk her into bed that when I finally got on, I pulled a 'Harry Reid' and fell asleep.
He talked a big game, but it turns out he was completely clueless. It was like sleeping with 'Harry Reid'.
No. 4 NYC Board of Elections vs. No. 5 Glenn Nocera: Next is a keen battle of witless wonders submitted for your entertainment.
The NYC Board of Elections is not an institution that instills the utmost confidence in government. I mean, you've probably heard us talk about the way they botched Russell's primary last year when they couldn't even hand out the right ballots. Anyways, this year saw new lows in ineptitude for the beleaguered agency. The Daily News dubbed it the Board of Incompetence after observing the lack of care in training election day poll workers, which included open and obvious cheating on qualifying exams. But that's not even the worst of it - for the first time in memory, candidate petitions in the possession of the BOE were shredded causing election chaos for weeks. Suprisingly, well... not so surprisingly to those of us in the know, no one was fired for that. Then there was the usual buffoonery - machine breakdowns, teeny, tiny print on two-sided ballots and non-existent certified election results (Bill Davidson is STILL waiting!)
If anyone can top that buffoonery, it's Glenn Nocera. Though he is a member of the Republicans For Change, his own individual buffoonery merited seeding. He insists on embarrassing Young Republicans by getting clowned on national cable TV. He insists on embarrassing all Republicans by acting like a maniac, screaming out expletives at the County Convention. He insisted on embarrassing himself in self-made videos made God-knows-where of himself belting out lyrics like "listen to your farts" and offending deaf people and Hurricane Sandy victims -all of which were highlighted on a website to the delight of Russell Gallo.
No. 3 Rob Ford vs. No. 6 Obamacare: Our third head-to-head battle pits two heavyweights locked in a titanic battle of awesome buffoonery.
The Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford (not pictured) is the buffoon gift that keeps on giving. Not since DC Mayor Marion Berry has a mayor copped to using an illicit substance in such a bombastic manner. Anyone who admits to using crack cocaine "probably in one of my drunken stupors" has a home in this tournament! His Wikipedia page is littered with instances of lewd behavior, foul language and awesome quotes. He's been accused of touching women inappropriately, knocking down a female staffer, insulted others and he has in fact discussed the amount of... ahem... sexual gratification he gets at home. Amazingly, the above has not yet yielded Mayor Ford the coveted "Buffoon of the Week" honors (much to the chagrin of Vito Palmeri!), but his collective buffoonery may propel him to victory.
But to do that, he'll have to get past another laughingstock - the monolithic blunder that is Obamacare. In a first for Buffoon of the Year, we are putting an institution in the competition, including all of the people responsible for what may be the single worst rollout of a government program in he history of ever. Lies from President Obama about "keeping your plan" has been the rage of late-night TV, and he scourge of America with millions losing coverage. The Healthcare.gov website collapse and failure is now a cautionary tale. Even the Thanksgiving "talk about healthcare around the table" pitch was extremely ill-advised, but in the sheer and utter failure of the rest of the program, it is almost a minor speed bump in comparison! Obamacare has Democratic Congressmen running for cover and will be the key wedge issue in swing district to be sure.
No. 2 Carlos Danger! vs. No. 7 Michael Bloomberg: Finally, a clash of political heavyweights exiting the political stage... for now.
Anthony (the) Weiner is a former BOTY Finalist in 2011, getting edged out by that year's winner, Occupy Wall Street. He returned this year to run for Mayor, seemingly putting his salacious past behind him. He even led the field in the 2013 Democratic primary until Señor Danger burst (literally) onto the scene! That's the handle used by (the) Weiner in his illicit dalliances with women online, including Sydney Leathers, who is now breaking into the porn industry. Needless to say, more photos and more sleazy details emerged and it was deja vu all over again! Determined to make a public spectacle of himself - again - Danger/Weiner doggedly stayed in the primary to the delight of comedians everywhere. Voter, however, were not amused, and Danger has not been heard from again.
Mayor Bloomberg is not a regular buffoon nominee, but our team selected him for caring more about his legacy and turning NYC into a nanny-state. His push to ban large sodas was rebuked by the judiciary as unconstitutional. His crusades have run from the sublime to the ridiculous - the latest one being banning styrofoam - his latest attack on small businesses to go along with Dept. of Health grading and the increase of fees and penalties just to do business in NYC. In addition, Bloomberg's "Mayors Against Illegal Guns" group has acted more like a gun control lobby than a coalition against illegal firearms, leaving many people feeling misled. Oh, and his tacit support of Speaker Christine Quinn's failed bid to succeed him left many Republicans red in the face.
So there you have it! Polls open at midnight on Sunday, December 1 and will remain open until Midnight December 8. And don't forget to tell us why you picked your buffoon in the comments below.